Home

Home is where your heart is. It is wherever your family is. It is where you want to come back to and where you want to sleep. Home is more of a feeling than a place. A feeling of belonging and loving.

Strangely I have had many losses in the last few years. First, I lost relationships that were home to me and then the buildings. Maybe there is some symbolic meaning to the fact that I lost both my homes and now both have been demolished to the ground. All the good memories in those homes were wiped out like they never existed.

I lost everything but I was ok because I still had Kuma. Being with Kuma became my home. It was a place where I took care of Kuma and we spent 24 hours a day together for her last two years.

Today, I look at a picture of Kuma and I look in her eyes and I feel home. That's where I belong But that connection with home, with love is lost and fading from reality. It is only in my mind and sometimes in my dreams. Otherwise, it is very difficult to put a stake in the ground and say this is where I want to be.

Now without Kuma, I need to choose a city to live in, a place to work, a place to live and people to socialize with. But it all seems strangely unimportant right now. There is nowhere that I want to be and no one that I long to be with. I am alone all the time and it is ok but it is not ok. This will not lead anywhere. Especially if there is nowhere I want to go.

I just want to be with Kuma and I don't have a second choice.

Without Kuma there is no home to come back to. I don't belong anywhere. I am in limbo.