My Fears

I has always believed that I was not afraid of many things. But as I got older I began to realize that I was losing fears that I didn't know I had. These fears shaped my life and made my decisions for me. My biggest fear of all was losing Kuma.

I wrote down a couple of years ago that after losing everything the most important thing in my life was my dog Kuma. And my biggest fear was losing Kuma. I could not imagine living without Kuma.

But I lost Kuma 8 months ago. My biggest fear, the only fear I was really scared of became real. Why was I so scared of losing Kuma? Let me tell you now.

My relationship with Kuma was a relationship with my dog. To almost everyone, this is not that big of a deal but to me it is the biggest deal of my life. In my relationship with Kuma, not only did I experience a connection with life, with the universe, with God and with all things unknown, I experienced the greatest bond in my life. I feared losing not only these connections and being alone, but most of all I feared losing the love I experienced with Kuma.

Yes, I felt and still feel love with others, with family and with friends and past girlfriends but this love is not the same as the power of love and the bond I had with Kuma. How can I explain this. Let me start by saying that if you haven't experienced this there is no way for you to understand what I am talking about, simply no way. This will sound trivial and silly. I don't care because what people think now matters much less to me. I am not here for others. I was here for Kuma.