The Bond

The bond Kuma and I had was unbelievably strong. Call it love or call it supernatural, call it telepathy or just a connection. People that have spent time with their pets will understand the bond between a dog and man.

 It was love in its purist form, absolute trust and dependence, an uncanny understanding and communication.

I have been with Kuma for almost 17 years from when she was a 10 week old puppy with endless energy and playfullness until she was a 17 year old lovable caring emotional friend. Kuma went everywhere with me. We bought an SUV for her so she could have the back seat as a bed when she travelled across Canada and America with us. We never took holidays unless Kuma could come with us. Kuma was never tied up and never in a cage, she was always by our side.

For the past 7 years I have spent 24 hours a day with Kuma and for the last 3 years I have taken care of her alone and spent all my time alone with her. Kuma became my best friend and I talked to her all day.

The point here is there is a very strong bond between a dog and man to begin with but with the amount of time I apent taking care of Kuma in the last three years it became incredibly strong. The more time I spent the more I appreciated and understood Kuma. In fact, her whole life was great but it did not compare to the strength of the bond we developed in the last three years.

Kuma began losing her hearing early this year. She could still hear me make clicking sounds like to a horse or hear me clap my hands and that became my call to her to "come her". When she heard that she got up and came to me. But she could not hear me call her name even if I screamed it out loud right beside her, nothing. Later, Kuma lost complete hearing and didn't even hear claping or clicking anymore. So we developed head signals and hand signals. Kuma would filick her head up a few times when she wanted me to come to her and be with her and I would wave my hands in a 'come here' motion when I wanted her to come to me. Sometimes we would argue, she would flick her head and I would wave my hand and she would continue flicking her head and of course she would win most of the time. It was funny actually.

Kuma would speak to me in different levels or tones when she needed something. The sweetest was first thing in the morning when I was sleeping, I would hear a very quiet faint "ewhm, ewhm", like a soft whine. If I didn't respond she would wait a bit then speak a little bit louder until I acknowledged her. It usually meant she wanted to get up to go outside to pee or to eat.

When Kuma was hungry, she would bark, first once then if she got no answer then she would bark several times. I cooked all her food and it took time to prepare. She started becoming impatient and started really barking at me. I started bringing her cheese appetizers to carry her over. That worked for a while but later I had to prepare food in advance of her eating times so it could be ready when she woke up or I could just heat it up quickly. Kuma became very demanding and wanted it now.

Ok about the Bond

Kuma did not hear so when I talked to her, I just talked in normal tones. Somehow she understood, whether I said lets go outside or lets go in the car she understood that she needed to get up and go. I don't know how but she understood me without hearing.

The Unexplainable Communication

At least 5 times I spoke to Kuma and somehow she understood.

For, example in April when she stopped eating because of her tooth pain and then she was hit with Vestibular Disease and could not stand up I talked to the Vet and the Vet said to bring her in to put her down. I said that I would give her three days to see if she recovered because Kuma always seemed to recover in three days from everything. But this time it looked really bad. The Vet said to bring her in Monday. I called Cheryl and told her that Kuma was dying. I decided to wait and give her Monday to see if she got better. I took her outside and she couldn't stand up, she just bent in half and flopped down. I picked her up and said "Kuma they want to put you down and I don't want you to suffer. If you want to keep living, you need to straighten up and need to get better." Kuma started walking almost immediately and by afternoon she was almost fully recoverd. It was like a miracle. But this was not the first miracle, Kuma had pulled off at least 5 or 6 miracles already this year.

It seemed like a coincidence but it was not longer a coincidence to me when this happened a few times. Kuma was then scheduled for dental surgery and two days before she was still not eating and had lost 31 pounds. I said to her, "Kuma, you only have two days left, you need to start eating or you won't survive the surgery." Kuma went over to her bowl and started eating standing up. She ate double meals.

One time right after Kuma had a seizure, it was all too much for me. Kuma was partially unconscious and was gasping for air breathing really hard. I started crying out loud. Kuma stopped and looked at me. I stopped crying and she went back to breathing really hard. I thought that was strange, so a minute later, I cried again to see what would happen. Kuma again stopped in the middle of her gasping to listen to me to see if I was ok. I stopped and she went back to gasping for air. Kuma sensed me, she could not hear me but she knew someithing was wrong and she stopped to listen.

I laid down in front of Kuma and fell asleep for a while. I woke up and Kuma's face was in front of me with eyes wide looking at me to see if I was alright. Kuma was watching me as I slept.

A strange thing happened one week before the hospital. I talked to her and her eyes turned back. I said, "Kuma honey" and her ears turned again. She actually heard me. I thought it was so wonderful for her to be able to hear her name again. It only lasted for 30 seconds and then it went away.

Also, out of nowhere Kuma gave me a kiss on the nose. Just one lick. I was so happy I gave her a ton of kisses on her head, her eyes and her nose.

One time Kuma was not able to stand up. I helped her out of bed and she got up and fell off the bed onto the floor. I screamed out "someone please help her". I picked Kuma's bum up off the floor and she walked straight to her water bowl. Unbelievable.

One time Kuma was laying in bed upright and she was twitching hard. It was like electric shocks were jolting her. They would come and go but this day they were really bad. I had exhauted all my thinking and reasoning to try to figure out what was causing it and this day out of frustration I screamed out to the devils that were bothering her, "Leave her alone". I was talking straight to the devils that were causing her harm. And, in that instant, I remembered how as a young boy I used to have nightmares where six devils would come to the foot of my bed in my dreams and toss me up and down and all over the place. I realized then that it was these devils that I screaming at and I followed up with, "And I'm coming after you." Not a wise thing to say to devils I think but Kuma did stop twitching instantly and seemed to look at me with a smile as if to say, "my job is done".

I checked my text messages tonight that I had sent to different people on the day before Kuma's death and I saw that I wrote that when I kissed Kuma's head when she was in a coma, she opened her eyes and looked at me and breathed a deep sigh of relief. This was while she was still unconscious with her tongue hanging out and the Vets had written that her pupils were unresponsive.

On her last day, when I sat with her in the room waiting to put her to death, I still had hope and I said to her to give me a sign, Kuma responded to me once again, she showed me that she was waking up and she relaxed again.

Each of these times, Kuma even in a coma knew that I was there and she responded to me.

While Kuma was alive I felt the bond that we had would never be broken. Crazy but I felt it was so strong that Kuma would be eternal and she would never die. I felt that Kuma was not dying and she instead was getting stronger and healthier. I just had to figure out the infection or lesions in her head that was causing her problems.

I just can't explain but the feeling was so strong, it felt forever.

Kuma was a life force. She was me and I was her. Both our life forces, our consciousnesses were joined. I felt her, she felt me. This was our bond. This is also why I am so lost and feel so empty right now without her.

This is why I say I knew she was ok and was not ready to die.