Kuma`s Last Day at Home

I had no idea that a year ago today, October 3, 2015 would be Kuma`s last night sleeping at home. It was a great day for her actually. At 6:30 pm on the Saturday, I texted my friends in Ottawa that Kuma was doing really well and they should come to train tomorrow morning.

Kuma went ourside, walked around and then came in and went to sleep at 7:00 pm. She slept soundly and was relaxed at 8:25 pm when I had to decide to whether to take her to the grocery store that closed at 9 pm or to leave her slepping. Normally, she sleeps for an hour and then wakes up and it had been almost an hour and a half. The plan was to go to the grocery store and then take Kuma to Tim Horton`s for her cheese toasted bagel with butter and cream cheese. She just loved this short little outing.

But she was loose and relaxed so I thought I would quickly go to the store and then come back to get her and then we would go to Tim Horton`s.

I left quickly and stopped at the gas station to put a bit of gas in the car and when I was done, a voice inside me said, "go back home to Kuma". I looked at my watch and decided that I should just go to the grocery store quickly instead. She looked fine.

I don't want to write about this anymore today. I will finish later. Because it is just too much. I have relived this day and this decision hundreds of times wishing I had gone home to Kuma instead. Because just about 5 or 10 minutes later is when Kuma had a seizure alone at home by herself and it was really bad. I just spent all of tonight looking at her pictures and videos, listening to her barking and watching how happy she was wagging her tail. It all hurts.

It hurts because I had no idea that this was her last day. It hurts because it didn't need to happen. Kuma was doing so well and getting so much stronger. She had a great appetite and was starting to walk outside more because the horribly hot humid weather was finally about to let go.

I had no idea. As I look at the pictures, I check the date and can't believe how good she looked and the thought comes to me that how could I have known that in a few months, or in one month or even in two days after the picture, Kuma would be dead.

Someone who knew nothing about Kuma told the vet to kill her. I relive it everyday and it hurts so bad. I can't write today.

Kuma I just want you to know that I am thinking of you all the time. You are my buddy, my best friend and we should have been together forever.