Who is to Blame?

A wrong was done to Kuma and she paid the price. Who did what wrong and why?

First, I do not blame anyone but myself. Why? because everyone did what they thought was best based on their own beliefs.

Cheryl at first said that I am there and she is not and I should make the decisions and it is not about the money it is about what is best for Kuma.

The first day after listening to the Vet who admitted her, I thought it may be best to end Kuma's life that evening. When I went in to do it, the Vet changed my mind because she was optimistic that Kuma once stabilitzed and given anticonvulsant medication along with new anti-inflammatory medication could return to even better than before. She wanted to give Kuma a chance to stabilize, a chance for the Phenobarbital to take effect and stop her seizures. I decided to follow the Vet's advice and wait until they could stabilize Kuma. This was the plan.

The second Vet on duty the next day agreed with this plan.

The third Vet at first also agreed with this plan even though she seemed more pessimistic.

Then the next day for some reason she called Cheryl directly and basically incited her to close out the bill including paying $159.14 plus tax for the euthanasia. Cheryl sent me an email to say what she had done. But, Cheryl did pay the bill even though she has not seen Kuma for four years. She acted according to what the Vet had said to her without knowing that the plan was working.

The Vet did not tell Cheryl that Kuma was stabilized and had gone 29 hours without a seizure. The Vet did not tell Cheryl that I requested that they not give her any more Valium after the first day and let her wake up. She did not tell her that Kuma was put on a minimum dose of Phenobarbital which has only very mild sedative properties and would not interfere with her waking up. She did not tell her that Kuma was starting to wake up. The Vet also did not tell Cheryl that she skipped Kuma's last dose of Phenobarbital and that this would cause Kuma to go back into a continuous seizure. She did not tell me this either.

The vet thought she was protecting us from spending too much money for the same eventual outcome.

When she told me that Cheryl paid the bill, and closed it out, I told her that I would take care of the bill, that I was getting an increase from my credit card company and that I would put all of it toward keeping Kuma in the hospital one more day. The vet thought I was poor and it would be a waste of my money, so she just dismissed it. I didn't know at the time that she had her own plan that she had already put in motion.

I am the only one to blame becasue I let this happen.

Kuma only had me to stand up for her and I didn't. I let it happen. I am most mad at myself because by not acting stronger, I betrayed her in the end. She only had me to save her. Instead, I let it all happen and she paid the price by dying when she was still fighting to live. I didn't have the money at the time and I didn't prepare for it. I hadn't slept for two days and I was not rational.

This is what I am most mad at. The fact that I was not able to think straight on my feet and do what was necessary to stay with the original plan to give Kuma one more day to recover. After going home and sleeping then I was able to look back and see what I had done and should have done.