Where is Kuma?

Where is Kuma?

Kuma died in front of me seven and a half years ago, in 2015. Kuma was my female dog that lived with me from 1998 until 2015, 17 years. I watched as one moment she was alive and breathing heavily then the next she stopped. Her eyes froze. No sound, no breath, no heartbeat. She went still. Where did she go?

Each day that Kuma lived we got closer. She depended more on me and I depended more on her. We crossed into each other’s being. She became more me and I became more her.

The moment Kuma died time stood still. I am still in that time. And I want to know what is next. Where did she and part of me go? Where is Kuma?

I realize that in the vast world, universe and trillions of galaxies we are just a minuscule occurrence but to me it is the biggest question. To answer where is Kuma is to begin with who was Kuma and who am I? Who are we?

 

March 26, 2006 in Sarasota, Florida I was 53 and Kuma was 7 and a half.

 

 

Kuma on her 13th Birthday

 

Kuma is packed and ready to go for the trip to Toronto on October 5, 2013 Her 15th Birthday

 

Kuma on her 16th birthday, October 5, 2014

Kuma was 16 and a half years old before she got her first seizure. It was completely unexpected and the most awful experience. I had never seen a seizure before and I didn't know what was happening. I thought Kuma was going to die of a heart attack.

To read more about each seizure click on the date and it will expand below.

 


Her first seizure came on May 5, 2015, just 5 days after her dental surgery. It lasted at least 4 minutes and was very violent and hard. It felt like every muscle in her body was hard as steel and her head was locked in a spasm cramping non-stop. I held her and screamed out "please don't die Kuma". and when it was over, I couldn't believe she was still alive. It was truly the worst thing I had ever seen.

Later, I researched and discovered that she had suffered a grand mal seizure. The cause to me at the time was unknown. Kuma seemed to lose her hearing then and lost the sight of her right eye. A few weeks later she regained some hearing and one month later, she actually regained full sight back in her eye.


I was laying in bed with Kuma patting her head when she went into her second seizure. It had been 62 days since her first seizure so this was completely unexpected. Looking back at the time before the seizure, I took her for a walk in a different park, one nearby and it was hot outside even at night. She seems to be walking slower than normal, but we walked around most of the park. I thought to myself, what do I expect, she is getting older and maybe this is why she is slowing down. I didn't know that actually she was getting too hot.


Her third seizure came after we had been out most of the day and she was in the car while I went into Walmart and then Provigo. It was a warm day again and she was in the car with the windows down in her bed in the back seat. After we drove to the park and she walked in her usual park. We got home and she seemed uncomfortable, then slept quietly and woke up a few minutes later and went into a seizure. This happened a month after her second seizure.


I had bought Kuma Magnesium and a multimineral and vitamin called Hokamix which I gave her since her last seizure August 1. I had also put her back on the Gabapentin since then as well. After this seizure I read that the magnesium cancelled out the Gabapentin when taken together. I was also giving her Vitamin C and B3 and B6. After this I stopped giving her any supplements.


A second seizure the same day just 11 and a half hours later. Totally unexpeccted. Kuma was just recovering from her earlier seizure when she got hit again. this was very discouraging.


In the last three days, Kuma was almost having mini cluster seizures. It seemed the throughout the day she would start into a seizure then stop. I picked her up once then her feet got stiff and started moving like in a seizure but I changed position and it stopped. She definately was on edge all three days while whatever was causing it started dying down.

Her Vet said that maybe the Gabapentin was causing the seizures, so I started to taper her off this pain pill. I didn't like Gabapentin for her because it gave her Ataxia - made her weak in the back legs and unsteady and dizzy.Within three weeks we were off the Gabapentin completely.


By now I had read enough to think that I had figured out what was causing her seizures. She was overheating and her head would feel very hot. I figured some inflammation in her brain and stress caused her seizures. By being careful I was able to go 18 days without a seizure. This one happened from my not paying attention. Kuma and I slept all day on Saturday because we were up all night. Out clocks were reversed. We both had a good long sleep. I got up at 6 pm and made coffee and was having it in bed when Kuma picked her head up a few times wanting to get up. I asked her to just stay in bed a little bit longer while I finished my coffee. She did for an hour then she went into a seizure. If I had got her up when she wanted to, it wouldn't have happened.


Kuma was doing so well that I thought we had this beat. She really recovered well and was tthe stronges she had ever been, jumping up on the bed herself and even getting up off the bed from a laying position by herself. We were at Time Horton's where I got two toasted cheese bagels with butter and cream cheese because Kuma liked them so much and ate most of them. We had been out to two grocery stores before that and Kuma was ok and calm while she waited. A friend called and asked if I wanted to meet him for a pizza and discuss opening a gym together. I said I wasn't sure because Kuma had been out in the car for a long time and it was time for us to go home. I said I would call him back. I stayed a bit longer, got gas and drove home to give Kuma some water. I knew that we should have stayed. Kuma just wanted to llay in the bed and sleep. I asked her to get up and come with me to the car but she was reluctant. I thought that because she was doing so well it would be ok to drive the 15 minutes to Dorion and she would be fine in the back of the car. I called him and said, ok we will go to meet hime. Biggest mistake of my life. Kuma started to get uncomfortable and upset just as we got to Dorion. I stopped the car to look in the backseat to see what was wrong. I talked to her and said just for a short while. got to the restaurant and by now she was in complete anxiety or panic. I stayed with her for 5 minutes to try to calm her down then went in to tell him I could not stay. I ate one slice and went back to the car and tried to calm Kuma down, picked her up and took her outside on the grass but she was very unsteady. She walked only a few feet then stopped. I needed to get her calm before we could drive home. Finally, we drove home and I put the A/C on full blast infront of her and she fell asleep. At home she slept for a bit while I started to make her dinner. I wasn't paying attention and her back and the back of her head were leaning against a compforter, she got hot and went into a seizure. But this was a really violent one and as she finished she went into a second violent stage. I was afraid that this did damage to her brain.


This one was unexpected. Kuma got up in the morning went outside to pee at 6:30 am, drank lots of water and went back to bed. At 9 am she woke up and wanted me to turn her on her other side because she was hot. I turned her from laying on her right side to lay on her left side. An hour later, she picked up her head and called out to me looking at me but it was too late, she got too hot and started her ninth seizure. Again, a very violent one but I was able to cut is short by half the time with ice packs and occular pressure.


Again I made a big mistake. Kuma was sleeping from 7 pm and usually she just sleeps at this time for and hour and a half. But, at 8:30 pm I thought I could quickly go out to the grocery store and let her keep sleeping. I wasn't sure if I should go or wake her up and take her with me. I decided that I would go first then come back and get her and we would go to Tim Horton's for her bagel which she loved so much then we would go for a walk in the park.

I put an ice pack on her back and positioned her infront of the fan and left. I got gas first and thought to myself, Kuma could be waking up I should go back. Instead we needed food for dinner and I thought I could go quickly and she would still be sleeping. I ran throught the store, got what we needed and drove home quickly. Kuma looked like she was still sleeping in the same position. I breathed a sigh of relief and said good girl. But then I noticed that she peed and pooped in bed and she never does that. Then I noticed that her tongue was out and there was a pool of saliva on the bed. Kuma was unconscious and had just had a seizure. The first time alone without me being there. I don't know how long it was or how violent it was and I wasn't there to help stop it earlier. But at least it was over and she stopped.

I didn't give Kuma Valium this time becasuse the last time I gave her Valium after the seizure it took her 20 hours before she got up. I wanted her to recover first and recover quickly. She did.

Her seizure was probably around 9 pm. She put her tongue back in her mouth at 9:45 pm. Her tongue was dry and she was licking it at 10 pm. At 11:45 she started making loud moaning noises so I took her outside and she peed. After she relaxed and went to sleep. At 12:45 she got up and walked over to her water bowl very crooked leaning to the right at almost 45 degrees. She drank some water. At 1:20 am she drank a lot of water and I started to make her dinner. I wrote in my notes that I did not want to give her Valium yet becasue it knocks her out and I wanted to feed her first then I would give her the Valium. She repositioned herself in bed by herself moving herself over to her right side to sleep on the pillows.

I made her fresh sweet potato and potato with two steaks and a whole bowl of broccoli. She was so hungry that she got up off the pillows and started to eat. She was excited to eat and ate very fast. After about three or four mouthfuls she started into another seizure. It was 2:25 am. She had never gone into seizure while she was upright and awake. Before they were all sleeping seizures. This time she went into four really hard waves of seizures. It was awful. I knew these were starting to be continuous seizures. It was not until 3:09 am that she started to relax and let go. Then she started again. At 3:15 her breathing relaxed and her tongue was out and then she started again. At 3:18 she took a deep relaxing breath and at 3:23 started again. I tried to put Valium in her mouth and to get her to swallow.

She started going into a seizure for about 30 secs then she would sleep for 20 minutes then go again for 20 to 30 secs then sleep again until the intervals were 40 minutes apart. I ended up giving her all the Valiums we had, 14 of them giving her two each hour. They weren't working and I called her Vet on Sunday morning but they could not reach her Vet or any other Vet and told me to go to the DMV Emergency Animal Hospital in Lasal. I took her there by 11 am.

 

 

All days above were very hot and humid weather, especially September with temperatures in the high 80's and 90's.